Lionel Messi and his Penalty Shot Failrue Scandals

Last week, Barcelona was unexpectedly eliminated from the Champions League in the semi-finals against Chelsea. Near the end of the first half, Lionel Messi, known to be the world’s best soccer player, took an incredible penalty kick which sent the ball flying into the air far away from the net. Fans of Barcelona defensively argue that his mistake was due to the tackle prior to the shot. However, reports from the interviews with Messi beg to differ.

In his most recent interview, Lionel Messi confessed that his failed penalty shot was rather intentional than accidental. He described that the shot was “the greatest shot of
[his] life”, even though his mistake largely contributed to Chelsea’s victory.

“Didn’t you guys see that? I nailed him straight in the face! It was epic. How did you guys miss that? The ball flew over like 10 baby heads,” explained Messi.

From the reports from the match, the target of Messi’s penalty shot was proved to be Hannibal Eulalia, Lionel Messi’s high school alumni, and also the man who is believed to have had love affairs with Messi’s former girlfriend.

“It’s not just because my girlfriend cheated on me for that guy. There’s more to it than that and you won’t believe some of the things he’s done to me at school. One time, he came up to me with his buddies and took my lunch money! He used to bully me every single day. Just thinking of that made me want to kick him in the face with a soccer ball whenever I think of that. And that’s exactly what I did in the game! Who knows I’ll be lucky enough to find him again in a crowd of 10,000 people all shouting my name? I didn’t want to miss my chances,” stated Messi in his interview.

In the last moments of his interview, where Messi was asked how he would make up for the loss against Chelsea and redeem himself for the elimination of his team in the Champions League, he then nonchalantly replied, “I’ll just win it next year. I’m still the best attacker in the whole league.”

Reports after the match of Barcelona and Chelsea confirmed that Lionel Messi, Barcelona’s famed attacker and supposedly the world’s best player, will be playing as a goalie for the next 5 seasons of his career with Barcelona.

The Ministry of B.C. Education Complains That Smart Students Are A Negative Effect In High School

            Past Monday, the Ministry of B.C. Education reported that the rate of smart students in the province has gotten too high. This is becoming a major problem in the province as the numbers of intelligent students are surpassing the number of ignorant or unintelligent students. Over the years, the ‘ignorant’ students complained that the smart students are making them feel bad about themselves for not doing as great as the smart ones.

           

           At Brainy Minds High school, the situation has gotten so bad that the students started to separate themselves. There are currently two groups in the high school, the Liluns and the Biguns.

            

          “We got the name Liluns due to the fact that we can’t do anything by ourselves. The other guys named themselves the Biguns because they will apparently lead the whole school to success”, said a member of the Liluns.

            

           Starting this coming week, some parents of the Liluns stated to host a campaign to ban smart students in the schools. As the situation seems to get worse, the teachers also proposed to help by marking the top A students harder and marking the Liluns using the rubrics for grade 5 students.